The upkeep we need and should have for ourselves is so important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but it is so easy to forget and fall behind, especially when we are so busy putting everyone else first.
Sometimes we don’t realise we are doing it until its too late and our bodies are feeling the full front of it. Majority of my life, I have found myself time and time again feeling the full front of it and it became extremely hard to change the way my mind processed other people’s problems, us as humans are so quick to go into a fight or flight or feeling the need to fix something or someone.
We live in a society where we constantly feel pressured to have a lot of friends, to be busy and to please others, in doing this, we often neglect ourselves and, as a result, spend years pleasing other people while simultaneously making ourselves miserable.
I want to give you some reminders that you don’t have to put others first whenever a situation to do that arises, especially if your mind, body, and soul are all telling you not too.
Let’s think about this, if you are hungry or tired or behind on your work, there is no way you will be able to focus on what someone else is telling you or be completely present for that person because you’re not completely yourself if you don’t take care of yourself first.
Nobody else is going to save you.
You can’t save anybody, and nobody can save you. This is the greatest piece of information I had ever received and learnt firsthand. It’s really the best and worst part of being a person really. I’ve spent my fair share in the middle of friendships and relationships trying to save the other person and only getting so far because no one can save anyone but them. And by thinking I could accomplish this, my own needs and wellbeing ended up taking the back pedal and I went two steps backwards in everything.
You are not selfish.
We are taught that being ‘unselfish’ is one of the higher values and virtues that one can possess, which I believe brings on that feeling of selfishness if we decide not to put others first. I want to remind you that putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s quite the opposite. When you love another person, whether that is your partner, a family member, or a friend, you want to make their desires, needs, and interests a priority because you want to make them happy, you want to make them feel heard and appreciated.
But doing all those things and loving others doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself too. To be and give your best, you must start by giving the best you have to yourself. And yes, that means over your partner, kids, boss, friends, family, whoever it may be in your life. There is no one in this world that is going to benefit from you being in second place.
You can say no.
This is hard. Saying no to a friend, partner, or family member can feel impossible. Even the word “no” itself these days can hurt feelings or even end relationships, but for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing it is necessary to put yourself first and turn down any given opportunities to help someone when it means you will be putting yourself out/second.
Saying no and getting use to explaining why you’re saying it, can also be beneficial for the relationship as it can form a boundary between two people. Establishing a boundary like this and making yourself a priority is key before either one lets the feeling of resentment slip in and cause unwanted damage.
Just by saying no, you are choosing yourself in that moment, which is automatically self-love and self-car. So many of us do this without even realising we are doing it. It is fair to both parties to also stop and ask yourself how you might be feeling and what you need and to be able to communicate that to each other and to even be able to answer that to yourself.
On a complete positive note, it is an attractive trait to have to be able to show that you know yourself and your own self-worth. This is a great way to notice and test who does and doesn’t respect your needs.
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