We can’t wait for other people’s validation to move ‘forward’ or ‘up’ in this world. The power to make something happen lies within each of us. When we acknowledge our inner source of power, great things happen. Your mind is the ultimate battlefield. Most people make decisions based on their past experiences and things they have seen, that’s why in some cases as we get older, we tend to be a bit more pessimistic.
Its normal to want validation from others like. your parents, spouse, boss, friends — but some of us seek external validation to an unhealthy level. We rely on others to make us feel good. We doubt our abilities if were not told were doing well. We obsessively check our social media posts looking for approval. And we question our worth if others don’t value us.
Remember when you were small and wanted so badly to grow up? Childhood is filled with milestones; we are measured and tested. As adults, we tend to put aside a focus on growth and merely adapt to how we see things, believing that our state is permanent.
Now, try seeing things through the eyes of your younger self.
Remember the hope and possibilities you once had, the wonder and feeling of ‘anything is possible’, simply just because it was something you truly wanted to do or become.
You have the ability to create anything and you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to act on whatever it is you want to achieve. When we create an expectation about how another person will act, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Trust in yourself and do the work.
We cant rely on others to make us feel good. When we do, we allow others to dictate our worth. And we don’t trust our own thoughts, feelings, and judgments; we assume others know more than we do and their opinions matter more. We become needy and ask for validation in ways that turn others off in ways that scream my self-esteem is lacking and I need you to tell me I’m okay.
Tell yourself every day that you are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. With enough repetition and consistency, your mind will start believing what it hears. As right now it can’t tell the difference between reality and sub-consciousness, so when you start telling yourself, you start believing and you see yourself becoming what you confirm. Like they say, Fake it till you make it. But don’t fake it, believe it.
Some ways to stop needing outside validation –
1. Take a break from social media — Getting off social media is a great place to start. This eliminates the comparison to others posts, pictures and comments. It will allow your views and thoughts to not become influenced away from your own truth.
2. Be mindful — Look carefully at what you are doing. Look for improvements and make a note of these either mentally or physically. These are called self-validations, that will help you build up your acknowledgment of your own abilities and talents.
3. Do not ask for validation — instead of seeking validation from others, ask yourself first. If you do receive it, recognise the praise, and acknowledge it, then stop, don’t continue to ask others, or seek out the validation. Self-validation is all you need.
Validating your thoughts and emotions will help you calm yourself and manage them more effectively. Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger you and better at managing your emotions all together.
You will be better off in the long run learning the true benefits of ‘Self-validation’ than taking the unhealthy/easy route of waiting around for the validation from others.
